First OB appointment- Follow up

Today we're 10 weeks 5 days. And So so close to being in our second trimester.

We had our first OB appointment yesterday. Man was it a different atmosphere then what I'm used to . At the RE it's all business and in and out. The OB was amazing went over things that even my NP didn't go over :/. Apparently my RE's office sent over my med schedule with suggested stop times. He likes a lot of them, but does not agree with the Lovenox. I guess on the sheet he got it said 24 weeks. He wants me on it until 36 weeks then we'd switch to Hepirn. Which is what i thought my RE told me would happen all along ::), I completely agreed with my OB. When you deal with an RE's office at least with us you rarely if ever see an actual doctor, it's mostly Nurse practitioners so nothing was ever fully explained to me. He did tell me I need to make sure I'm getting enough Calcium with the Lovenox, new news to me.

So we went in and he did a pap then we tried for an abdominal U/S and it worked baby is just below my belly button according to him. almost smack dab in the middle when I looked at where he had the wand. We got to see baby and a very strong fast heartbeat. He didn't measure how fast when I asked he giggled when I asked how fast it was ;) He knew where I was going with that LMAO (for those who don't know some like to speculate that you can tell what the sex is by how fast the heartbeat is). Damn, caught red handed. I will see the two other OB's in the practice just as a smart plan in case my primary choice isn't available the day of delivery. Baby again was doing really well measuring 2 days ahead of where we were. We actually got to see a little hand and it looked like (s)he was waving at us.

Then on the way home I had an emotional moment where It dawned on me that this doc could possibly be the one helping us deliver our baby in just under 7 months. That my husband will finally be a father. So I cried as it was just this euphoric feeling seeing Paul there. I get shivers thinking about it now. We discussed our birth plan. I told him I'm keeping all options open. If i need drugs I'm not against them, if I'm able to breast feed I will if I can't then I can't. My reason for being so relaxed about a birth plan is because I've seen so many Moms to be have a big plan and if the plans don't go well some are notably upset. And with just cause because when you have a vision you like to see it executed a little how you saw it. For me I just want baby here and I want it to be as safe for me and baby as possible. WIth breast feeding again we will try and I will put in a very solid effort. But I will be ok with things if it's just not in the cards for us, for whatever reason. Our OB really liked that mindset and appreciated the open mindedness. Shit just got real today for some reason, I can say with confidence this will be our THB, and wow does that ever feel amazing to say!

New questions started flooding my mind and I asked about hospitals as we do have a choice between 2 hospitals which our OB's deliver at. I was given this bit of advice from an expectant mother and maternity/nicu ward nurse.

This was her full advice:

Many people pick hospital first, but I think picking dr first is often best. Neither is wrong, and you have an ob you love, so you're set. I would tour both hospitals, find out their layout and setup. Find out if the babies primarily room in or spend a good bit of time in the nursery. Find out if baby has to be admitted in the nursery or if they are admitted in mom's room. Find out if the nursing staff has separate mother and baby nurses or if the same nurse takes care of both. Figure out how they admit c-sections, just in case. No setup or nursing assignments are wrong, just different. Find out how many lactation consultants they have on staff and if they are available on nights and weekends. Many hospitals only have LCs mon-fri/sat from 8-4 or so, and it can be hard for moms to get help if they deliver at night (depending on the skill and comfort levels of the nursing staff).

TTC Milestones

TTC Milestones aren't like your regular milestones (normally happy). They were often greeted with sadness and overall frustration. In our journey we were met with a few milestones both in how long we were trying and then the dreaded due date milestone. The first due date for me was the hardest and perhaps the others have been cushioned because of our current pregnancy, but honestly it doesn't take away the complete hurt and loss you feel towards the life that would/could have been.

The hardest milestone is a tie. The first year of our TTC journey and the due date of our first loss.

Hitting the first year was hard. Subsequent years did hurt and was frustrating but they weren't the same. Reaching that year told me I was no longer deemed normal. That I had to embark on getting help and even at the year mark I was in denial that I just didn't go seek out help. I tried to stay blissfully ignorant because that next step, the step where you admit to yourself and to your husband "Hey somethings wrong." Then you start to worry "Is it me?" Will I ever have kids? What's going on? Why am I broken? What are my next steps? Am I ready to hear that something's wrong? You get hit with a ton of questions. All in a matter of a day. Some sooner in their TTC but that year mark is often when a light starts going off and our minds start racing. The other years came and went and honestly it didn't hurt as much because as sad as this will sound it became the norm. Of course we weren't pregnant. it's not anything we weren't used to at that point. Of course something was wrong nothing was really new and another year would pass, and another. I feared our 4th year though, I feared it like the plague. Today marks that 4th year we would have been trying. And here we are blessed and I hope tomorrow shows we'll continue to be blessed come November. So much happened in year 3 that I truly feared what signifying another year would do. I didn't want to worry about more losses or years more of this 'yay' and then gut wrenching loss. Sometimes though they aren't as bad as we think they will be.

Sorry for the debby downer post, I really do feel very grateful and happy today. But I can't completely forget our struggles or talking about Infertility.

Big Milestone reached today - 9 weeks

Today was our 9 week appointment. I was beyond nervous and am glad I took my Zofran as I think my nerves would have made my motion sickness worse. Today marked such a huge milestone for us in that we can say with a relieved heart that we're further than we've ever been. This weight the size of the China Wall was lifted, I didn't notice just how much I was carrying that around. I mean I knew I was obviously an emotional mess at times but I just didn't realize how much it weighed on me.

Paul and I are starting to come to terms with the thoughts that this may be our THB. Notice the caution in my words? While I feel a huge weight has lifted, milestone #2 is getting into the second trimester.

Overall Baby B is doing well, measuring a day ahead (must have done a lot of growing since last scan given that (s)he was 7w3d on my 7w6d scan. ) His/Her heartbeat was nice and strong at 163 same as last scan. This is a step in the right direction lets hope for continued good scans. Next scan is Friday, April 19th - my last RE appointment. Then I'll hopefully graduate to my OB on April 23rd. We've been in limbo land for so long it's odd to start believing that in 7 months time we could be holding our LO

9 weeks - heartbeat 163bpm

Pregnancy after Infertility

First I wanted to give a brief update. So far things are still going well. We had our 7week 6 day scan on Thursday and the baby was measuring 7w 3d (which is ok to have happen). Then we saw a strong heartbeat of 163bpm. Every scan brings a bit more relief but I also find the build up to the next exam the anxiety builds and builds. This next scan on Friday April 12th will be the same time we found out we lost Angela. I'm torn on emotions and am not entirely in the believer stage yet. You always feel the need to preface things with "if things go well." still and just an overall wall around your heart.

With that update I wanted to segway into today's post. I've had a few messages asking me what pregnancy is like after infertility and multiple miscarriages. I have to say that it's been humbling,  a lot of times worrisome though. I find I have so much disconnect from our pregnancy that at times I'll forget that I'm pregnant. I've really really noticed this with pregnancy announcements, especially those who get pregnant so easily. I don't know why it still stings and I'm hoping this 'gut' reaction fades over time. I sting in part out of the proof that I was 'broken' and it stung because i know so many beautiful caring women and couples who continue to struggle. In part i hurt because I know they hurt whether they'd be open and say it or not. I've found that it has made me even more aware and I'm proud to say that I feel like i'm conducting myself how I'd want someone to be around me while I was struggling.

I've found some times women who struggled with Infertility get what many infertilies like to call IF Amnesia. Where they forget everything that upset them and do what they said they'd never do. Now while pregnancy certainly isn't rainbows and butterflies in the slightest whenever pregnancy is getting the best of me I remember what it took, I remember just what I would give to be where I am and it makes whatever I'm struggling through worth it. It's not that I want to say I appreciate pregnancy more. I think I'm tolerating the down sides a bit better because I have our struggles as a back up reminder of journey to this point and how much worse the pain would be. I'd rather be dealing with nausea and fatigue then dealing with heartbreak and sadness. All of this is for a reason and I hope to NEVER loose sight of that.

I just want to send out so much love to the ladies who supported me for all these years. Know I'm always thinking of you and am cheering you on. Many of you know this but it has to be stated. You're amazingly strong women with spirits and hearts of gold. I look forward to the day we get to celebrate your BFP. Truly I mean that.

Tips to Using Lovenox

This is a new tip post on how to do Lovenox injections. Many will find that it's not so much the needle that stings more so the medicine. Some days are more painful then others. Overall it's not to bad and here are a few things I've picked up while using them both in our last pregnancy and with this one.

• If you notice a knot, basically a hard patch where you did an injection and it is stiff try to stay away from injecting on any hard part of that area it will hurt like no other.

• I don't ice as I find it tends to make my bruising worse (Which is weird considering Ice constricts your veins lessening blood flow, but it does for me) and tightens my skin causing a bit more resistance when I put the needle in.
• pinch nice and hard it'll help with the pain.
• before you take the cap off (I use pre-filled syringes) , tap the needle so the air bubble goes near the needle. I push the plunger in once (again while the cap is on) I find it helps to loosen up the plunger for a better controlled injection.
• Before I inject I get rid of the air bubble, again helps with loosening up the plunger making for a smoother injection. Instead of the awful jerk you can get at the start.
• I find if I alcohol swipe the area afterwards I bleed more and often bruise worse. So I stick to Kleenexes on the area. 
• DO NOT RUB IN. Don't rub the liquid in. I hate that I can't do this as I notice I get so many knots that I otherwise might not have if I could have rubbed the area. But with lovenox it's a no no.
  
  Please note not all of these tips will work for you and some of my donts' you may actually find you like to do. That's ok and is perfectly fine (besides the last tip). Hopefully I was able to help ease the pain that can be Lovenox Shots. We have 9 months of these needles, mid as well find some way to manage them.

6 week scan

We had our second ultrasound today. We have great news and not so great news. We saw a sac and a little baby in there with a little flicker that was the heartbeat. It was so so amazing to witness. The second sac was no longer there, the nurse practitioner said the baby either reabsorbed into the body or that he/she is hiding. They will be sure to check at future ultrasounds but for right there there is one little baby in there.

Here's the scan photo from today. I shocked at how much I'm able to see. The little head (bent down) the little nubs for arms. It's truly a beautiful sight.

6 weeks 0 days Ultrasound

We're very excited and feeling utterly blessed. We realize again that anything cn happen but this is a great start!

IUI #3 Update

A picture is worth a thousand words! And this should say pretty much how our last IUI went. We're cautiously optimistic. After 4 losses we are trying to maintain the realistic thoughts that anything can happen. For now we're pregnant. We had our first ultrasound and baby is measuring well. I'm hoping 2013 will be our year. As of right now our due date is November 15th.

But wait there's more......


We're as or right now pregnant with  TWINS! It's still very early on and Baby A was measuring really well and on time. Baby B was very tiny and the Nurse Practitioner couldn't get a good hold to get a shot of Baby B. With that we'll be having another ultrasound this week when we're 6 weeks (again still early on) but we should be able to really see if Baby B is going to be viable or at least give it a good shot.One thing to note my beta's were rising on the slow side starting up. 13dpo - 87 , 17dpo - 226, 24dpo - 3507 (this was a huge relief to see our numbers bounce back up with the third beta). Our progesterone has been very high our 17dpo wast 57 and 24dpo it was >40 (different labs, and this one didn't give numbers over 40)

Again we know anything can happen and it sucks that we have to be this cautious with our emotions. But we're trying to be as positive as possible. Every pregnancy should be celebrated to a certain extent. This one is no different. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

We're on Lovenox shots, Crinone (progesterone), hCG shots (aka booster) every 3rd day, Metformin, Low dose aspirin and Pre-Natals. Lots to take but if this what helps give us our take home baby I'll do it for however long is needed .