It's very common for people to get the eager questions from friends and family following a year or two after a wedding. "When are you going to have kids?". In your attempt to open a casual conversation, you may have just hurt the person you loved with a very very personal question.
You see there are some people who don't want kids, there are couples who have fertility issues and then there's a couple who just as of last week experienced a miscarriage.
My reproductive schedule is no ones business but my own with my husband. People need to learn that their invasive questions can seriously carry some hurt. I'm tried of people not realizing how hurtful they're being with what they feel is a very simple question.
That co-worker you just teased saying "you're next" or "So and so beat you." is now a crumbling mess because she just got news yesterday that her pregnancy is not viable but you won't know that because she suffers in silence taking each jab deeper than the next with every harmless comment you make. She is now reminded of her empty womb that once carried a tiny life.
That Daughter or Daughter in law that you just said "When are you going to make me a grandmother/father?" May now be feeling the weight of her infertility struggles even more. You think they aren't trying but truth is she and her partner have been going back and forth to the fertility clinic for the past 5 months after a full year of trying to get pregnant on their own. If you looked at her arms you'd see the small burises from all of the blood work she's endured. Her hidden belly riddled with poke marks from the fertility medication she's taking every day in hopes to one day be a parent.
The friend you just asserted "When you have a child there is no greater love" just felt the sting of your words as they've decided as a couple that they do not wish to have children. But your assertion makes them feel like they aren't deserving of a 'family' title because they don't have kids by choice or by circumstance. You've just put down her choices and implied the love she has for her husband and possible fur babies pale in comparison to the amazing love you get to feel now that you have kids.
People STOP asking about other peoples reproductive choices. Stop joking about potentially hurtful topics. I hope that this message reaches one or two people who may have done something similar above to a friend. You don't know everything going on in peoples life and you could have just turned a great day into one of grief and sorrow. Choose your words and understand their potential impact on someone else.
