IUI #2

Yesterday we went to the clinic to see where my body was at after our D&C. We found out that my lining was thick but it looked like I hadn't ovulated yet. So we've made a plan to be put on the pill until after the holidays when I can return to be monitored.

So armed with that knowledge we got all of my medication to start round #2 of our IUI. We're hoping that we can start early January-ish. We're very excited to take this next step, CNY Fertility really works with you to help give you the results you're looking for.

This is a short update but an update all the same :) < 3 Happy Holidays everyone!

Hope - a powerful emotion

 A photo I took in the Dominican Republic just after our second loss. ©Barnhart Photography (If you'd like a copy of this photo please message me)

For me, the way that I've been able to keep going on even after the time we've been trying combined with our losses is I still have hope. Hope is such a powerful emotion. Sometimes it's stolen from us from cycle to cycle, but more often then not we find a way to get that hope back. Women who've been trying this long are soldiers and amazingly strong Always trying to find that little ray of light. Sure we're not always positive about this journey but the fact that at least once a cycle we're able to see that light and motivation is to me simply amazing. The strength to pick yourself up off of a very worn and cold floor is admirable. When I feel exceptionally low I search out inspirational quotes, I also let myself grieve our journey. Allowing myself to grieve enables to me to feel what I should feel instead of hiding it and letting those feelings linger, which I found would make me worse if I bottled it up. When I'm feeling great and motivated, I use those times to help pick someone else up or perhaps offer a bit of hope and help when they need it most.

Now some will think I'm calling myself admirable. No that's not the case. What I am saying is that the fact that women can go so long in a journey and still even after all that time find hope. I still am dumbfounded how I found the strength to continue after our loss. I thought for sure internally I was completely done. I think part of me is so stubborn and see's all this energy that we put into it that I just couldn't give up. Another big thing was Angela gave us hope, Angela let us know it wasn't the medication that failed us or even my body. It was an unfortunate turn of events where she had a genetic disorder that no matter what we did, it was an unfortunate and inevitable event that she would leave us sooner then later. That took such a huge weight off my soul. I no longer felt "it's my fault. " "my body failed me." "the medication protocol they had me on was all for nothing." it wasn't any of those . She restored more hope in me then I ever thought I could fee. I feel more optimistic about our medical plan then I have since our first loss. I know we can get pregnant and I know provided genetics are on our side that when we do that this protocol has been proven to help us sustain a pregnancy.

Our next part in our journey will be to see a Genetic Counselor as I think I already mentioned in a previous post. That will be Jan 14th. I'm hoping that all we hear from them is that this loss was a fluke and that we're not predisposed to have it happen again or another genetic disorder appear. So for now I'm focusing on that. I'm a tiny bit worried that we could have our dreams dashed by news such as genetic problems no matter what. That will crush me and probably put and end to our TTC journey and possibly in our journey to become a family larger then 2 and 2 pets. But hope keeps me positive that perhaps we'll be thrown a bone here and finally on the correct path to our take home baby. 


Plan of attack after the Genetic Counselor will be to hopefully start our second IUI. Which I'm really hoping is all we need to get pregnant again. I'm just hoping it takes one time, unrealistic expectations? Perhaps but a girl can remain hopeful ;)


Your thoughts and payrs as we go onto this next step is greatly appreciated as always < 3

"One day it'll be your turn"

"One day it'll be your turn"

After the pathology report things have changed in a drastic way. I felt a lot of closure in knowing the pathology report and more of an it was supposed to happen over my body stopping a perfectly normal pregnancy. We're still mourning but it has offered us that ray of hope that perhaps this was a one time thing and the steps we took to help the pregnancy is going to still work when we get our sticky healthy baby bun in the oven.

I think this is the acceptance part of grieving. I've accepted what was and am finding myself moving on, never forgetting but seeing some kind of light at the end of the tunnel. The quote in the beginning of this post is something I'm finding myself saying a lot. I remind myself when I get overwhelmed or see a pregnancy that I can be happy for them while reminding myself 'one day it'll be you. With that reminder it gives me something to look forward to.

At this point all we can do is say "Ok what are our next steps." Standing still won't get us results and well lets get to it when we're ready. One step, one moment at a time I've promised myself.. we'll get there. The only realistic option Paul and I have is to keep fighting for what we want in life. So fight we will.

"I never said it would be easy; I only said it would be worth it." ♥

Pathology report - Triploidy

Today my husband and I found out that our LO that passed away was a girl. So we've named her Angela. We also were told that she had a rare abnormality called Triploidy. Basically she had double x chromosomes (69, xxx). Sometimes this is a rare occurrence while in other women it's a problem with her eggs. Since we've had 4 losses they're advising we seek Genetic counseling. Because I'd rather know now then later on we're going to go ahead with the genetic counseling. If it's shown that I'm the culprit or my DH then we will have no choice but to proceed with IVF with genetic testing done on the eggs prior to fertilization. This is a bit scary for me because I always thought we'd be able to get by just doing IUI's.

Today is a sad but happy day. I'm grateful that our child didn't have to be born to us only to live at most 10 months. I wouldn't want her in any kind of pain and from the sounds of it there would have been. I'm saddened because well the obvious we lost our little girl what my husband was right on guessing what it was.

I'm glad we have some answers and a clue that has prompted us to dig even further into this journey. Thank you all for your thoughts and help throughout this tough journey we've had thus far.

 I was wondering is if any other women out there had this diagnosis and it turned out to be her. Please message me. The internet is showing rather sparse advice or even stories. So I'm kind of walking in the dark here.

How much do you know about making a baby? {Quiz}

I've had a few messages regarding women and their men not knowing about the TTC process. I truly believe that our society truly knows very little about just what it takes to make a child. I don't think it's anyone's fault, I just think this is a topic that isn't taught in depth in sex ed. I can understand why because they'd have teen girls temping, taking OPK's to plan their fun time around AF.

I think not only is it men who have a rudimentary understanding of making a child but I think many women do as well. I see it when I see a women who is just starting out and the particular questions asked about how it happens. I feel that we can help these people by being gentle and not looking down on them as if they were an 'idiot' of some sort. So in the spirit of learning I'm posting the following Making a Baby quiz (Answers found at the end of the quiz) that can be found (http://www.todaysparent.com/makingababy)

1. When is the best time during your cycle to have sex if you want to conceive?
a) As soon as your period is over
b) As ovulation approaches
c) During ovulation
d) Regularly throughout the month
e) B & C

2. What’s the best way to know when you’re ovulating?
a) Counting cycle days
b) Monitoring cervical mucus
c) Taking your basal body temperature
d) Noticing when you have pain or cramps in your middle
e) Depends on the woman

3. How often should you have sex when you’re trying to get pregnant?
a) Every day — don’t want to miss that window
b) Every other day is plenty

4. Which sexual position boosts your chances of conceiving?
a) Missionary
b) Spooning
c) From behind
d) It makes no difference

5. True or False: Taking folic acid or a prenatal vitamin is an essential element to getting pregnant.
a) True
b) False

6. True or False: After having sex, elevating your hips with a pillow or lifting your legs in the air helps your chances of conceiving.
a) True
b) False

7. True of False: Your chances of getting pregnant increase if you have an orgasm.
a) True
b) False

8. You’re not getting pregnant as fast as you thought you would. After how many months of trying should you call your doctor to see if there’s a problem?
a) Three months
b) Six months
c) 12 months
d) 18 months

9. True or False: Getting pregnant has little to do with what you eat or how active you are.
a) True
b) False

10. When it comes to getting pregnant, being overweight or obese:
a) Can make conceiving more challenging
b) Has no effect whatsoever

11. Compared to a first baby, how long does it usually take to conceive a second baby?
a) Less time
b) More time
c) About the same
d) None of the above

12. After a miscarriage, when can you try to conceive again?
a) After one menstrual cycle
b) After three menstrual cycles
c) After six menstrual cycles

13. You’d like to choose your baby’s gender. Which method works best?
a) Eating sweets (for a girl) and salty foods (for a boy)
b) Having sex on specific days, according to the Shettles or Whelan methods
c) You probably can’t influence your baby’s gender
d) Using the Chinese gender predictor


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