"Everything Happens for a reason"

I have woven a parachute out of everything broken.  ~William Stafford

Sometimes we have bad days and other times we have amazing days. During those tough times we find ourselves seeking comfort, I think we in some small way are looking for the answers to our problems. Almost as if someone magically saying "You're going to be pregnant this month." overrides any medical explained or unexplained problems.

When I get in these funks I often seek councel of those who best understand what I'm going through, be it my husband or my online support group. I go to these places to avoid the clique sayings, I go there because it's where realism is sought and fantasys put on the back burner.

During these 3 years I've been greeted with the following phrase more times then I really like to hear it. "Everything happens for a reason." Just writing it twice now has made me cringe. I used to take complete solace from that statement, and I think it was because nothing truly horrifying had happened to me in those days. Certainly nothing horrible enough to make me question it. After you greet a personal death and go through struggles that you have completely NO control over no matter what you do, or how hard you try. That phrase starts to carry a bit more weight and pack one heck of a punch when said as a means to console you.

I used to believed everything happened for a reason, until 'everything' happened to us. This however is not to be mistaken with falling off the horse and getting back on. I'm hell bent on getting pregnant (although I know it may not happen for us). Do I think I'm a stronger women for all of this? Perhaps. Do I know more then ever realize how carefully words should be chosen in any situation? Yes. But I cannot for the life of me ever agree that our MC happened for a reason. That we had been trying for close to 3 years at that point, only to have a BFP and a miscarriage 3 days later. Saying "it happened for a reason." makes me want to get sick. 

Now, I certainly don't mind if others live by this motto (to help motivate themselves) or if it's something that helps them keep on trucking. Because hey we all have to have that one thing that helps us reset if we've had a horrible day with regards to TTC. Its whatever helps a person cope with the situation. I can certainly respect that. 

My problem with it is , when I hear others using it as a means to console someone. Because while that 'phrase' helps them (the person offering the support). What you've essentially just told that person was. "This was meant to happen to you, it was fate." So essentially telling the person that the person they lost, the baby they'll never hold in their arms, the terrible natural disaster that just demolished a city, was 'meant to happen'. While it is often well meant it's not well met by the receivers of such 'support'. It overall is a very hurtful and very unhelpful thing to say to someone. And makes a person even more depressed that this was some how deserved.


I'm still waiting on a 'reason' of why it's taken us this long to get pregnant, why we had an Miscarriage, and why we have to spend thousands of dollars just to extend our hope of one day conceiving. .....
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Still waiting