15 Weeks already?!?

Honestly, I think I've been very blessed with a rather (knock on wood) complicated free pregnancy thus far. Minus the nausea I don't have anything to complain about. It's truly been (insert gag for pregnant moms who disagree) a very beautiful experience thus far. When I look at us being 15 weeks I find myself in awe.

The things that have kept me sane during this pregnancy has been:

1. The weekly ultrasounds from 5weeks to 11 weeks.

2. The doppler we bought just before 11 weeks.
        - Our biggest worry is that we will go to an ultrasound and be hit with the news we had last time. So for us hearing that heartbeat every night before bed is not only essential but allows us to check in on baby when we have to wait the normal time in between scans. I notice that with the doppler I'm not anxiously counting down the days until our next scan, because I know baby is doing well every night. Such an amazing thing they've made available especially to mothers of losses.

3. My dear husband. Gosh I could go into mounds and mounds of stories from him putting up with the crazy mood swings. To never letting me go without. He's always there to help and I know when his child arrives he will be the most amazing father. I look how he is with my nephews and my heart melts. All children flock to him. It sets my heart at ease seeing this.

4. Our support system has been bar none the best we could have ever asked for. We know we have so many cheerleaders for this little one and we couldn't be more grateful.

Without further adieu here is our progress thus far :)

15 weeks (and 2 days to be precise ;) )

Paul is looking mighty fine for 15 weeks ;)

Mother's day: Remembering all

First off I want to wish my wonderful mother a very happy mothers day. Without her love, guidance and kick in the butt when needed I wouldn't be the confident, outspoken, loving and loyal women I am today. Without her support over these past few years of our struggles, I would have crumbled. I love her dearly and thank her for everything she's done for me since I was a tot in diapers. Your kindness and selflessness is not forgotten, I will never be able to repay you but I can even when it's not Mothers day, show you how special you are to me. 

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I read a blog post that I stumbled upon on one of my infertility message boards. The way the article was presented and received was that of love and thanks. This article truly touched my heart. While we're expecting I've felt since last year especially I'm a mother but I was always stuck in the emotional turmoil of how appropriate it was to feel that I was a mother with out a child. While some may say, if you feel like a mother then you are. If life was as simple as that then we wouldn't be struck with these complex feelings. Single minded answers like that leave me knowing that the person who speaks such words really don't know or understand the plight of a mother without a child that is biologically theirs or awarded to them through adoption proceedings. The struggle that I feel was helped for me personally by reading this post.

This blog post to me helps acknowledge mothers of all walks of life.
I don't want to take anything way from the hard-earned recognition of all that mothers do to protect, care for and nurture their children. Those women do deserve to feel and be appreciated.

An open letter to pastors:a non-mom speaks about mothers day

I'll use Amy's words to express my Happy Mothers day to all.

To those who gave birth this year to their first child—we celebrate with you

To those who lost a child this year – we mourn with you

To those who are in the trenches with little ones every day and wear the badge of food stains – we appreciate you

To those who experienced loss through miscarriage, failed adoptions, or running away—we mourn with you

To those who walk the hard path of infertility, fraught with pokes, prods, tears, and disappointment – we walk with you. Forgive us when we say foolish things. We don’t mean to make this harder than it is.

To those who are foster moms, mentor moms, and spiritual moms – we need you

To those who have warm and close relationships with your children – we celebrate with you

To those who have disappointment, heart ache, and distance with your children – we sit with you

To those who lost their mothers this year – we grieve with you

To those who experienced abuse at the hands of your own mother – we acknowledge your experience

To those who lived through driving tests, medical tests, and the overall testing of motherhood – we are better for having you in our midst

To those who have aborted children – we remember them and you on this day

To those who are single and long to be married and mothering your own children – we mourn that life has not turned out the way you longed for it to be

To those who step-parent – we walk with you on these complex paths

To those who envisioned lavishing love on grandchildren -yet that dream is not to be, we grieve with you

To those who will have emptier nests in the upcoming year – we grieve and rejoice with you

To those who placed children up for adoption — we commend you for your selflessness and remember how you hold that child in your heart

And to those who are pregnant with new life, both expected and surprising –we anticipate with you


This Mother’s Day, we walk with you. Mothering is not for the faint of heart and we have real warriors in our midst. We remember you.

Some of the comments on the blog saddened my heart.This one commenter really said what I feel in a very graceful way.  To those who just may not get the intent of the post. It's again not to take away from mothers, it's to expand our definition of a mother.

"To equate womanhood with motherhood only and to point out the journeys and experiences of mothers in the body only is extremely alienating and hurtful and doesn’t acknowledge the journey in Christ that the rest of us have taken and that many more will take. 

Thank you. I’ve read through a lot of the comments and I have to say, again, celebrating mothers is something we SHOULD do but we should also be mindful of the pain of others. Have COMPASSION. Rejoice AND mourn with each other. It shouldn’t take away from a mother to acknowledge that there are hurting women out there. I also think if we acknowledged the contributions of women in general, throughout the year, maybe Mother’s Day wouldn’t be such a slap in the face to some.

Another thing – motherhood is difficult and often thankless, but let’s not forget that these are women who wanted to be mothers and were blessed with what they wanted. It’s frustrating as a non-mom to only hear the negative side of motherhood from women who won’t acknowledge how fortunate they are. It’s a lot easier to sympathize with the hard days if you at least admit that you have been blessed in a way that I haven’t been. It’s extremely insensitive to tell a non-mom how lucky she is because she gets to sleep in on Saturday mornings if you wanted to have a baby and are now dealing with both the frustrations and joys of parenthood.
As for some of the men who don’t understand the difference between Veterans Day and Mother’s Day, perhaps you would understand better (or not) if there was a day when faithful husbands and fathers who take care of the family financially are asked to stand and you happened to be unemployed and feeling like you were not fulfilling your role as a man. Because the church often so narrowly defines what womanhood is, it really can be hard to sit through the one acknowledgement of women if you don’t meet that definition."