Fear of the Unkown

I'm afraid, I'm very afraid that I won't ever be able to get past our fertility problems. I fear that if the day should come where we're told we can't have children, that I just won't be able to accept it. I worry that how I feel now about others pregnancy and ability to have children will send me into the darkest depths of hell. I fear that place, I fear the next steps and what will become of me if we don't end up with a child. No having a child isn't our entire life. But realizing that it may never happen for you is an overall terrifying thought. I know me, I know how passionately I am about things I plan for my life. I know how hard I fall and how hard it is for me to just 'let go' and 'move on'. I really dislike that part about me. Many things have been taken from me, some at my own fault but others completely out of my hands. I'm grateful for the loving husband I have, family and friends. But I'm scared that if that day should come where we no longer have hope to hold onto that I'll loose grip of life and of happiness as a whole. I fought my depression in University with my husband holding my hand. I just don't know how much longer I can go on like this. It's 3 years to the month since we started this journey. This is one of those life questions that I'd love to have answered. I know I'll need to seek therapy if we can't have children. It's the only way I can possibly see myself being able to pick up the pieces of a shattered heart. I realize I'm talking as if that fate is already upon us, but fear, fear does funny things to us. I resent that fear for making me feel this way, for letting it into my life how I have. I'm hopeful that it won't win no matter what. i'm looking for the strength I lack right now. The strength to continue this hard hard journey. I just am tired, tired of temping, tired of taking extended measures to get pregnant. I've taken countless breaks and all ended up with me happy yes but as soon as I was around a pregnancy announcement, it put me in my dark place. I don't know what I'm looking for in this post.... No I do... A Miracle