Pregnancy after Infertility

First I wanted to give a brief update. So far things are still going well. We had our 7week 6 day scan on Thursday and the baby was measuring 7w 3d (which is ok to have happen). Then we saw a strong heartbeat of 163bpm. Every scan brings a bit more relief but I also find the build up to the next exam the anxiety builds and builds. This next scan on Friday April 12th will be the same time we found out we lost Angela. I'm torn on emotions and am not entirely in the believer stage yet. You always feel the need to preface things with "if things go well." still and just an overall wall around your heart.

With that update I wanted to segway into today's post. I've had a few messages asking me what pregnancy is like after infertility and multiple miscarriages. I have to say that it's been humbling,  a lot of times worrisome though. I find I have so much disconnect from our pregnancy that at times I'll forget that I'm pregnant. I've really really noticed this with pregnancy announcements, especially those who get pregnant so easily. I don't know why it still stings and I'm hoping this 'gut' reaction fades over time. I sting in part out of the proof that I was 'broken' and it stung because i know so many beautiful caring women and couples who continue to struggle. In part i hurt because I know they hurt whether they'd be open and say it or not. I've found that it has made me even more aware and I'm proud to say that I feel like i'm conducting myself how I'd want someone to be around me while I was struggling.

I've found some times women who struggled with Infertility get what many infertilies like to call IF Amnesia. Where they forget everything that upset them and do what they said they'd never do. Now while pregnancy certainly isn't rainbows and butterflies in the slightest whenever pregnancy is getting the best of me I remember what it took, I remember just what I would give to be where I am and it makes whatever I'm struggling through worth it. It's not that I want to say I appreciate pregnancy more. I think I'm tolerating the down sides a bit better because I have our struggles as a back up reminder of journey to this point and how much worse the pain would be. I'd rather be dealing with nausea and fatigue then dealing with heartbreak and sadness. All of this is for a reason and I hope to NEVER loose sight of that.

I just want to send out so much love to the ladies who supported me for all these years. Know I'm always thinking of you and am cheering you on. Many of you know this but it has to be stated. You're amazingly strong women with spirits and hearts of gold. I look forward to the day we get to celebrate your BFP. Truly I mean that.