Faces of Infertility and Loss - Participant Notification

For all those wonderful women who have shared their letters with us I'd like to give you something special as a token of my appreciation. This is For sharing such deep and personal feelings regarding your journey and having the courage to go live with those feelings towards certain people in your life. It takes guts and I think this is the stuff people need to hear/ others struggling will nod in agreement with.

beautifulbudsshop.etsy.com

For those who participate in our letter series I'm offering a free charm bracelet. When you participate (just submitting your letter to me via email) Please include if you haven't already your choice in 3 of the following chamrs: Love, faith, hope, believe, and miracle. I also have other color choice that will be coming to me in a few weeks. Those I've pictured below with the color name next to them. Please note only one per participant.

So after that confusing paragraph let me simplify it lol:

What I need from you:

1. Your letter(s) to be posted on our blog
2. Your color of bead choice (I likely have the color your looking for so just ask :) )
3. Wrist size
4. And 3 charm choices.
5. If you have losses I'm more than happy to include their birthstone overlapping the charm word of your choice. Please just let me know.

I will be selling these at my etsy shop for those who would like to buy one for someone they know please go here. More design options to come. 10% of the proceeds go to the Resolve organization. If you are interested in hosting a give away of the charm bracelet please email me at amandanicole1828@gmail.com.

These are hand made by me and again it's just a little token of my gratitude for what you've shared.  

The first 3 weeks of pregnancy

The first 3 weeks of pregnancy has been enjoyable but also very very stressful. I realize that I wasn't really able to let you know how the first 3 weeks went. So I figured I'd let you in on how it all went.

Someone told me on a pregnancy loss forum that with miscarriages single or multiples you can't un-know what you know about the possibility of loss. The first one I chalked up to "oh it's a fluke and it happens to some women". Which is true. Then came our second (perhaps the most devastating of the 3). This time I was truly in it. I thought "wow we've had our fluke this is the real deal, my beta's were better then the first." I truly believed that would be when we'd get our take home baby. So when we got pregnant for the third time I noticed a huge huge mental shift, everything I thought was negative, I thought if I believed I was pregnant that that alone would cause a miscarriage (the things we think). I was a disconnected mess with our third, but my grieving time was minimal (NOT that I didn't see this child in the same light as the others. Because I did and still do).

This time around I noticed the same disconnected feelings, I felt comfort in being negative about our chances of carrying the child (still at times do) because it's easier to grieve if we haven't fully bought into the idea. I think women on the forum I was on thought I was ape shit crazy. I'd post worrying about many things, first my beta's, then my tests, not feeling pregnant (no real symptoms), then worrying about not seeing a sac which after the first scan then transformed into will there be anything inside of the sac, to is there going to be a heartbeat. The worrying has been mentally exhausting and has really taken the ability to be happy and enjoy pregnancy hard. My turning point or at least 180 was our last scan. I'm a see it to believe it type of gal, seeing our little one right where it should be lifted a lot of our spirits. I noticed the knots slowly release. They're still there but since the scan I've noticed a shift, a shift in myself and in my husband. He now touches my belly a lot more and you can feel him wanting to connect with the baby. Our embraces are now of happiness and relief. Before they were a bit tension and worry filled. I look back and can't believe that we're already 7 weeks 1 day. We found out we were pregnant on 3weeks 3 days (very early). I'ts hard to believe we'll be going on 4 weeks already, if this is any indication for how the time will fly with this pregnancy I'd like it to slow just a tiny bit. Perhaps after the first trimester so we can fully breath a sigh of relief.

Because of being blessed with not 'feeling' pregnant I want to enjoy it all the more. It's amazing how foregin the concept was to us for close to 3 1/2 years. To now have a taste of victory it's truly bitter sweet. It was such a tough tough journey one that many women in this world have to fight for and are still fighting for. Those women remain my inspiration and I hope anyone reading this struggling can find some ray of hope, to not give up (even when it's so so hard), to ALWAYS seek the best care and answers (because YOU deserve the best and honest answers). The journey is tough and sometimes you have to take things into your own hands. Trust your gut and feel comfortable with those who are working with you to give you, your little miracle.

Inspiration, a quest for the hungry mind.

Over the past 6 months I have been searching for some kind of inspiration. The inspiration to just get creative again, and feed those creative desires. While I know many would say. "Well then Create!" If it were that easy trust me I would.

My search for inspiration made me truly evaluate the meaning of inspiration for each person. For a creative mind it made me wonder of the multitude of mediums and styles a person could choose from.

My search for inspiration seems to be driven by the need to find the jewels less viewed. There's something to be said when you find a true gem that has yet to be fully discovered. It's like delicately opening a rose petal by petal. Soaking in each petals unique design and texture.

I have found some of these jewels I speak of and the effect it has on ones drive is mind boggling. TO understand what it's like to play a part in giving or receiving inspiration, is in my mind such a beautiful thing.

I know without a doubt Photography is my #1 creative passion. Sometimes it doesn't feed the hungry monster though. At times graphic design sates it or even my quilting.

My husband will make fun of me because at times I could have 10 projects going on at once none of which pertain to the other. One will be with my camera another with my jewelry making kit, back to my computer to write a verse or two, to photoshop to draw.

I have found to be the most sated when I am able to finally finish one of those 10 projects and fan my peacock feathers in delight.

There's something to be felt about a beautiful work of art.

To all those artists who have inspired me over the years thank you.