Dealing with old due date buddies

As time goes on and I know it'll be close for some to start announcing pregnancies. Particularly people I may not know are pregnant yet. I know if someone announces their 10 to 13 weeks pregnant in the coming weeks that would mean they'd have the same birthday month as our child.

This is perhaps one of the hardest things to talk about for me. It is a different feeling and to me entirely different category. With every pregnancy there's someone that I know who happens to be pregnant as well either at the same time or I find out later. Having someone who is pregnant around the same time as you is hard and is a painful reminder. Facebook is particularly cruel in the sense that sometimes you'll see updates from these people about their progress. You'll be reminded of where you would have been, what could have been for you. This out of 4 of our losses I've found to perhaps have the worst kind of pain attached to it. Not only are you 1. reminded of the fact that someone is pregnant while you're not but also 2. You're reminded of what has been lost and it's hitting really close to home. When the mother gives birth to baby milestones, you're reminded of your loss, you remain empty handed.

I've found myself really struggling with our latest loss and due date buddies. I'm in a bind of wanting to be happy but with every time I see a post I'm reminded of what we don't have. I'm reminded very painfully of what was for us. It just hits my heart in such a deep deep way it becomes hard to breath and is overwhelming. It at times amplifies the anger. I'm grateful for the ability to hide status' because it allows people to retain their happiness (Which they should) but it allows me to view things at my own pace when I'm ready.

I don't know when things will get better in that regard, well I do... to get pregnant again. But even then it doesn't erase what has happened and the lives lost far to soon. I just wish this world was fair and that no one had to suffer to this degree or to any other degree really. I wish pain didn't have to be so debilitating at times, I wish that this sorrow didn't poison my ability to be happy for others. I mean I am happy for others but how can a person 100% feel ok with something when they themselves just suffered through a loss. You don't ever fully recover from that and you tend to pull far far away from those certain individuals. I hate what TTC and Recurrent loss has done. But I know that if people love and care for me as they claim they will 100% understand the position I'm in and how while it's selfish to be as I am right now. It's completely and utterly necessary.