Faces of Infertility and Loss - Emily's letter; a different perspecitve

Emily's letter isn't so much the typical definition of infertility. But from a stance of hearing when you're a teenager that your fertility years will likely be spent with troubles getting pregnant. Emily has PCOS much like I have and many other ladies. I hope that her journey to conceive is a quick one. Some women with PCOS get lucky and don't have any issues and or conceive in that first 'normal' year of trying. Here's to hoping that you are one of those women Emily.

Thank you for sharing your perspective as I'm sure  there are others out there who have gotten news like this and need someone to relate to. I know this may not have been easy to share in such a public forum but I thank you for submitting your letter and sharing with us.
 


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Intro:
Hi! I'm Emily! My husband and I aren't currently TTC, but I was diagnosed with PCOS at 13 and was always told to expect having a "difficult, if not impossible" time conceiving a child naturally. I've experimented with a lot of different medications and even trying to self-regulate my cycles without the help of hormonal birth control all to no avail. We've been NTNP for a little over a year and will start actively trying this Christmas. I have so many fears jumping into this, and I'm trying to find any way that I can to try and put off our start date so that I can somehow delay what I feel will be our inevitable disappointment. This letter is to my husband.

My darling N,

I remember like it was yesterday the day you suggested we go shopping for engagement rings. I was equal parts elated and terrified because I knew that this meant a really difficult conversation. I remember you showing me the most gorgeous diamond ring and I remember seeing the all-encompassing love you had for me in that moment reflected in the way you looked at me as I tried it on. And I remember that look never wavering when you first heard the words "polycystic ovarian syndrome" and the lengthy explanation that followed. If I close my eyes and think hard enough, I can still feel your arms around me as I sobbed through apologies to you for the certain fertility difficulties that lay ahead for us, and I can still hear you telling me that I was insane when I said that I understood if you couldn't be with me anymore. As often as I feel it, you've never once let me get away with telling myself that I'm somehow broken. You listen to my tearful blathering as I discuss all of my worries with you, and the more excited you get about baby stuff, the more I feel my heart swell with love but my throat constrict with fear. But you're still my shining beacon of hope... in spite of (or maybe because of) all of my crazy. Your constant reassurances that we'll be ok have started to sink in, and I can only hope to absorb and adopt that same optimism when we face the (almost inevitable) challenges in the coming year. I couldn't have asked for a more understanding, caring, and positive person to share my life with, and I know that this journey is going to be hard - one of the hardest things we may ever do (until it comes time to actually raise a child) - but there's no one with whom I'd rather face the oncoming storm.

Faces of Infertility and Loss - Schelby's Story and Letter

Schelby, where do I start with her? She's a long time TTC'er like I was. I feel myself relating to her the most and really really aching for her to get this rainbow baby she really deserves! She's so knowledgeable about temperature charting, and even more importantly she's a warrior and a gracious supporter to those in the trenches. She reminds me so much of myself when we were struggling, her story closely that to my own. You know i'm thinking of you always Schelby and I adore the fight and determination you have day in and out! Thank you for sharing your story and letter with us today.

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Our story is at http://themfamilylife.blogspot.ca/

we said "I do" in August 2010 and made the decision to start TTC a month later. within our first year, I gradually introduced myself to the world of charting, starting with taking my BBT and working up to OPKs and checking CM. it took us until January 2012 to finally see a BFP and then were devastated when I had a missed MC less than a month later at 7 weeks where no sac had formed. we began TTC once again. over the next year, our efforts varied as we were also in the process of building a massive addition to our house. in June 2013 I got another BFP. we made it to 7 weeks with no drama, even go to see a baby and a heartbeat on an ultrasound. our world once again came crashing down when at nearly 11 weeks, I started bleeding heavily. our fears were confirmed and our baby stopped developing at 7 weeks. we're now about 6 months into TTC since our second MC and have had preliminary infertility testing done that didn't show any signs of anything being wrong.

dear mom,

thank you for being there and supporting us through this time in our lives. though there are multiple things i want you to be aware of:

you don't understand our situation. you barely had to try to have kids so there's no way you could possibly understand how it feels to try for so long without success. the only ones who can are those who've been through the infertility process or have lost a child (whether a child in the womb or in arms). as helpful as you think you're being, its not the help i want or need. you're not the one i'm going to turn to when things go wrong unless my husband can't be there. i just need you to be there if i come to you.

you're made several comments that have cut deep and i'm not sure i can forget them. one was just a couple months after our first miscarriage. i went to visit you after your hysterectomy and you joked that maybe you should've waited a bit longer to get your uterus removed in case we needed it if i can't carry myself. i'm not sure how you thought that was helpful but because i was in a depression over losing our first chance at expanding our family, the comment was incredibly hurtful and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. i also don't appreciate you projecting your hurt over our losses on me. i understand its a loss for you as well, but don't talk to me about it because it will fall on deaf ears. i hurt enough on my own without feeling like i've let you down, so please talk to anyone else but me about it. i can't deal with it.

Faces of Infertility and Loss - Rachele's Story and Letter

I'm so excited an honored to be sharing these letters with you. The first letter starts today! Today's letter is from Rachele who has become a very close friend of mine online. She was a guiding light through my struggles and just an overall amazing friend ans supporter. I'm honored to share her letter today. Please don't be shy and leave some encouraging words for the beautiful Rachele.

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Our Story:

My husband and I have been trying to conceive since August of 2010.  In January of 2012, after 18 months of trying to conceive, I was diagnosed with “Unexplained infertility”.  In August of 2012, we found out we have a perfect storm of infertility when my husband was diagnosed with infertility as well.  In February of 2014 I was diagnosed with PCOS, and we are currently seeing a new Reproductive Endocrinologist in hopes to move forward on our journey to conceiving.   http://infertilitylifelove.blogspot.com/

Dear Friend-

Thank you for being you.  Thank you for being there for me, even when you don’t know my pain first hand.  It’s impossible to know the pain of infertility when you haven’t experienced it—but you try.  You try to understand how hard it is for me.  You’re sympathetic. You have found the balance between asking too many questions yet still offering support and letting me vent.


So many people struggle with the etiquette surrounding infertility, but if you don’t know—you ask.  You ask me if I’m okay.  You ask me if it’s too hard for me to be around your daughter.  You ask me how I feel about different situations.  You give me the option of whether or not I can handle something.


You bring me down to earth.  You remind me that people don’t know this pain.  You remind me that many people get pregnant without any issues, and because of that, they may not appreciate the pregnancy like I would.  You remind me that they aren’t trying to minimize my feelings of not being able to get pregnant, but rather dealing with the current struggles in their life.   You remind me that people don’t know my struggle, therefore they can’t relate.


And lastly, you remind me that despite this struggle—I am lucky.  I am lucky to have an amazing support system.  I’m lucky that I have been brave enough to share my journey with family and friends. I'm lucky to have a great husband by my side through this.  And I’m lucky that I have a best friend who is willing to support me through a journey she struggles to understand.

Love Always,

Rachele

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If you'd like to share your own letter be it if you've suffered a loss, infertility or both please email me at amandanicole1828@gmail.com (titled - 'Faces of Infertility / Loss'  or  ' The face of an Infertility / Loss Supporter' . I'm also encouraging supporters of family and friends to write a letter to someone who is struggling with infertility or a loss. Sometimes it's so encouraging and nice to hear from those who make such a huge impact on our journey. Without your support it'd be near impossible to find the strength to keep fighting.

Please refer to the following post (Letters from the Faces of Infertility/Loss)  about these letters for further details.

Faces of Infertility/Loss Letter series - Looking for people to feature!

Over the next little bit I'd like to open the floor up to my readers and fellow members of the Infertility and or Loss Community. I'd like to hear from you and  have you participate in my new letter series “Faces of Infertility/Loss” or  “A face of an infertility/loss supporter” . It's time this blog saw some other faces of infertility in hopes to help others going through the same thing.

Here's what I need from you:
If you could write a letter to a family member or friend about your journey who has been supportive or insensitive what would it say? Would you thank them for listening and being a shoulder to cry on? For their understanding even when they hadn’t been through what you have? Would you kindly tell them how their comments have hurt you in the past? If you were able to write such letter(s) what would they say?

You can do this anonymously by using Alias’ or you can share as many details about yourself as you'd like (that part is up to you and I will completely respect those wishes). Share your own blog in your story or use pen names.

I’m also accepting letters from some supporters. Just for them to be able to write an encouraging letter to a family member or friend who is struggling.

Please send all stories to amandanicole1828@gmail.com  Please include a brief story about your struggle or if you’re a supporter a brief story about yourself and the relationship you have with the person you’re writing the letter to.  Along with any added details you'd like shared. This is a great opportunity for you to share how you feel and perhaps someone else will really resonate with your story and your feelings. I'll email you the link when your story has gone live.