Bring home the bacon baby!

This past month has had so much going on I'm surprised my head is still secure. But not in a bad way. I've been reeling for some life excitement and just something less mundane from staying at home being very very lonely.

A lot has transpired since my last post. The biggest news is, I finally got a job. I absolutely love it and I'm actually working 'with' my husband in his Pharmaceutical group as a documentation specialist. I was brought in to see if we could put my IT knowledge to use when it came to documents. So far it's been very rewarding, tiring but it's great to just be IN the work environment again. Not to mention making some money to help the family is calming and it makes me just feel like I'm contributing overall. Many have questioned me as to how I can work with my husband. My answer is it's easy actually. The phesod "Work and Pleasure don't mix" Is true for those who can't seperate the two. My husband is not my boss nor do we always work together. When we do we know how to be professional, plus he's my best friend it's easy to work with him. I've actually found working with him or at least close with him has made the transition to this company smoother. I can ask him questions and not feel like a noob. I feel a different level of comfort and in the end it makes me confident in what I'm doing. I'm on my 4th week and really I have no complaints thus far. My cubical is litterally attached to his. So it's funny but we give eachother that space while mainting that professionalism. Actually working together has brought us closer. I find at work I just want to hug him and I adore watching him in action. So all those times I couldn't hug him at work we make up for it at home. I'm far more affectionate with him I find now then I was when I was just staying at home waiting for him to come home from work. I aprpeciate him and admire him on a professional level that adds to my love for him. He's such an inspiration, such a smart smart man, it's endearing to see just how much he's respected by his co workers. Not that it shocked me it's just different seeing your spouse while they work. It just brings you to a different level I feel.

We also as of October 30ish started our first round of Clomid. Clomid where to start with that drug? Well to start off it some how renewed my faith in this entire TTC journey. It somehow felt like a fresh start. I'm trying as hard as I might not to get my hopes so wrapped up in what could possibly be. Clomid had noticeable changes to my mood, perhaps the most noticeable to me was my short short attention span. Around 9 I would get so hyper. Something always had to be moving. My husband swore I was almost about to do jumping jacks. I took some peppermint tea in hopes that it would calm the restlessness and it worked. Also I was a bit more emotional, short, but also had more patience at times. It was weird but if this works it's been very worth it. Right now we're in our 2 week wait (the time between when you ovulate to when you're next cycle beings (period).) This time around I know better then to over-analyze how I'm feeling. Some times I'd be so convinced I had symptoms. This time I'm just going to wait till I know my period has been missed. A positive to this is we did have a positive OPK, I really couldn't stop smiling when I saw that.

Life is such a weird thing. It never really goes as you plan it to. It's never easy to relinquish control but sometimes you just have to go with the flow. It's not easy and hasn't been easy but we're taking each day as it comes. However it comes and in whatever form it comes in. Although I had my home business I've found since I've gotten this job we've been far less stressed. While money was never an issue having that room (minus our savings) is allowing us to indulge and feel less restricted. However we've been safe to ensure that we don't change life too much because well that's just that much more that goes into our Baby fund and our savings.

Right now I think it's safe to say I'm very satisfied with life. What ever happens will happen.

Every step

With every step I take I'm slowly finding who I am. Both in my photography career and overall life.

Unemployment has been such a growing experience. I'm not one of those individuals to sit back and be lazy. I found myself finding ways to not only occupy my time but become productive force in our family. The satisfaction from seeing the fruits of your labor is simply put rewarding. Although I know some of my time could have been better spent researching a bit more, I'm none the less proud of myself.

Through this time I've come to the realization that being 'unfocused' allowed me to expand my horizons. Being unfocused I realized was a byproduct of not being satisfied. My satisfaction now comes with knowing how creative I truly am. It may seem egotistical to some but it's something I'm proud of but only came through lots of work.

I feel that life could always always be worse and the fact that I have the means to do all these creative projects is a blessing on it's own. Many do not have such opportunities.

So my focus now? To continue to grow in whatever way strikes my fancy in that moment. :)Accept that the erratic thought process and the growing projects are a part of who I am. It's what makes me me. :D



Baby process:

I'm sure some of you are in question as far as how it's going with getting pregnant. Right now we're at a stand still. I had an abnormal pap which seems to be a 'normal' thing for women. So we're going to take care of whatever caused the abnormal pap via a colposcopy. At this point whatever lays ahead for my husband and I, I really cant change. I can only try to grow, learn from it and find peace in whatever path truly
lay ahead for us both (in this department). I'd be lying if I didn't say I'm dreading any bad news. Part of me is terrified, the other part has hope because no answers are given yet :). I can say how I'd LIKE to react to any possible news but in truth I'm unsure how my heart would take it.

Once we get this out of the way it's on to clomid. A part of me is doing this jumping dance, but I don't want to put so much hope and faith in this drug. But that's step 2 and I can't jump there till I'm cleared of step 1.

I want to say thank you to all my readers. It helps to know that others are out there maybe taking comfort in my journey, connecting with it in one way, or in need of some kind of support.