I really try to be understanding to various people. I try to understand both sides of the coin, and people in different but like situations. I like to keep an open mind but sometimes I'm just pushed to a brink where I'm left having to let out how I truly feel about a certain situation and how sometimes there's a blatant gap between one 'side' over another. I'm sorry if this offends any of my readers, but at this point I'm severely lacking understanding and am getting more and more frustrated with this way of thinking.
I need to just get this out. Nothing upsets me more than a mother complaining she can't get pregnant and have another baby that everyone else has "the one thing she wants most". Meanwhile she has the one thing PI (primary infertility) ladies wish they could experience just once. I guess for me I find it entirely rude and overly dramatic to treat IF the second time around as if you haven't ever been blessed with a child of your own. I understand women without children being upset at others getting the one thing they've wished for. I fail to really understand those who say the exact thing when they actually already do have a child.
I've seen a women last year even say, after having 5 kids.. that's right folks 5 kids. Go on an Infertility forum and post "All of my friends around me are getting pregnant and having kids. When will it FINALLY be my turn !?!" 5 kids directing most of her frustration at women with no kids, asking when it will FINALLY be YOUR TURN? Really? Come on people, KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE. It's not ok in my mind to entirley complain to a group of women about having your 6th kid when they haven't been graced with having their 1st, and finally getting to be a mother, know the ups and downs of parenthood. Just, come on already! Please open your eyes. When things like this are said it is a huge reason why people without children struggling will internally think that a person doesn't 'appreciate' the gifts given to them. I see it as being greedy. Would you complain about not getting the 4th course in a meal to a starving child of a 3rd world country? I see this as being no different. I completely get that people need support but sometimes we have to go find specific groups of women who are in our exact situation, so that we don't offend people (yes we're in a world where sometimes we're too sensitive but I don't feel this is one of them) and so that you can get the proper support you deserve.
I've seen this happen more than once. Actually sometimes the most vocal about their pain are those who have children already complaining to women with no children. What gives? Is it just me? I just find it completely closed minded to treat your life like its the worst journey that could ever happen to you when you know that your life could be a lot worse. You could still not be a mother at all.
Ughhh.....
7 comments:
i wish there was a like button on blogs <3
I've felt this many times when reading things like this.
TOTALLY agree!!!!!
I'm sorry you feel this way...
I don't know how it feels to have primary IF but you also don't know what secondary IF feels like.
Anonymous care to share who you are? If that is all you took from my post it goes to show how little understanding you personally have for what I said. I said that people with SI should know their audience. That to complain about others "getting the one thing you want" to women who don't even have one child is short sighted and rude. For example, Would you ever complain to someone who doesn't have a father about yours and how you dislike x,y,z? Would you complain to someone who has had a still born about your pregnancy and how you'd like your child to just come already? Probably not. Why? Because it's insensitive to do and say to someone like that. Is it wrong to vent your frustrations to the appopriate audience, goodness no. But to think that it's ok to complain about not being able to concieve and making it seem like your world is ending because everyone around you is pregnant and you want it to be your turn already is wrong to say to women who have nothing.
Something to remember.
Something is far better than nothing. Hold onto that thought. I wish you the best and I hope you have the proper wherewithal to not complain at least in the dramatic way I just described to women with nothing when you certainly have something. Do I think it's ok to seek support from them in general about infertility as a whole, yes most certainly. But to get dramatic and to throw around phrases as I mentioned in my post I feel is wrong and actually a bit selfish to do in front of women with Primary IF.
No words will really change my mind on how insensitive I find that kind of behavior to be.
PS. Would you change places with a person with PI? Would you ever think for a moment that having PI would be better than SI? Likely not, you're a mother they're not. This is where my train of thought comes from and frankly frustrations.
If a person complains on a ttc #1 forum then that's not appropriate but in a general ttc board who are you to say what others can post? Yes people should be mindful of their audience but just because they are ttc #6 doesn't mean they are not allowed to vent their frustrations along with everyone else. Get over yourself you are not the only person to have a difficult ttc journey.
Anon I'd love to know who you are, says a lot about a person if they choose to hide who they are .. when disputing a post,
The point is missed. But this is after all my blog and a blog where I'm able to express my sympathies to TTC ladies especially PI ladies, for short sighted women who feel it's the end of the world because it 'isn't their turn yet' after already having one child. If anyone needs to take a look in the mirror and get over themselves it's that person.
Also let me say this unlike whatever you perceive my complaints are for those still struggling. Don't know how I made that complaint exclusively about me, but feel free to twist this into whatever you feel suits you.
Yeah I've had it hard and other women STILL have it hard. My heart bleeds for those women who have to deal with the crazy drama that some of these second time TTC'ers bring to the table. It makes me personally want to bang my head against the wall at some of the inconsideration thoughts they think. I get being bummed I get that it's hard and everyone has a right to express that. That's not at all what I'm upset about for my struggling PI friends. But to assert that your life is horrible/ the world is ending and your completely angered by pregnant women because you can't conceive your second, third or fourth? Time to open your eyes to the life before you to truly see the gifts you've been given. Time to as you put it get over yourself?
Learn that life isn't always fair (Like I did when we had to sit down and contemplate life child free) and you can't always get what you WANT but at least you have a hell of a lot more than those with nothing. That's something I'll always remember when I look at my daughter, knowing that I'm a mother the one thing I pinned after for 4 years, loved lost went through tests like many women before me and many after me. I can never forget what it took to get me here and I won't.
I'm blessed and grateful for this gift, I won't be greedy and want more if it's not in the cards. I'm not sure if I can even go through all of that again. If I do it's not the same mindset, there isn't some urgency, there isn't this worry and nagging fear that we'll NEVER be parents. I won't go crying that life is over because we can't give our child a sibling. Because frankly it's NOT. Insensitive of me to say? Perhaps, but it's how I feel about the entire topic of dramatic TTC #2+ ladies. And let me assert again I'm talking about overly dramatic over the top complaining, a lot of which I see comes from a huge fertility forum. Not the every day bumming out stuff that is completely normal and UNDERSTANDABLE.
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