July
10th: Today is a bright and rather HOT day. Seemingly though nothing is
breaking my stride or happiness. Today you were confirmed to be
growing. We officially heard there is hope to seeing you on the horizon.
At work my glow was just hard to contain, your father had that side grin that I love so much when I told him the blood test came back positive. Only after I made it seem like gloomy news. I know it may not have been the best thing to do but to see him light up the way he did it made my heart flutter.
We've been closer since hearing the positive news. Your father kisses my belly already speaking to you and letting you know we're cheering you on. Your Uncle Mark gave us both big hugs and said your dad made a touch down.
Me? I'm a little tired, but I'll take anything that comes with being pregnant to ensure you're in my arms at the end of this journey. We're in a state of shock and euphoria.
The office we've already discussed will become your nursery and we have plans to ask the Landlord if we can paint it just for you, so it can be more homey for the next little bit.
As I sit on the couch writing this, I just want you to know you give us so much hope, bring us so much love already. I want to protect you from the world. But you have to do me one favor.. please keep safe, please keep growing.
July 11th: So we're in between blood tests and I'm still nervous. You're never truly out of the dark until the first trimester is over (which is about 3 months I believe). I'm a bit obsessive with taking pregnancy tests right now. But can you blame me for wanting to make sure you're ok? It's the only real way I know you're safe even though right now how this plays out is out of my control. I think so far I've taken 3 tests today alone all of which were darker then yesterdays. The hope is growing each day. Your Aunt Savannah and Abe came over today, she brought flowers, that's an understatement. She gave us the most beautiful flower arrangement I've ever seen. She's such an amazing person, so very maternal and I know when you meet her one day you'll love her and Uncle Mark as much as your mom and dad do. She gave you all sorts of kisses and rubs of reassurance. I hope you felt them :) She's so excited to meet you little bambino. As are we. Be safe my love.
July 12th: The news is hopeful but there's a hint of sadness in the air. We had our second blood test done and our numbers went up but they didn't double as we had hoped. Your mom is loosing a little bit of hope. I don't want to loose you if I can do anything right now to ensure those numbers double I will. For now we have to wait until the 16th to get another blood test to see what your future holds. Hopefully it'll be in our arms. Today I've been dizzy on and off and to say I've been mildly distracted from work would probably be an understatement right now. With the help of an on-line support group they've lifted my spirits and are helping me stay positive that you will be ok and we'll get to see you in March of 2013. Tomorrow we tell grandma and grandpa as a way to show how hopeful we are. We'll give them a picture of myself and your father taken at your Uncle Orrin's and Aunt Erika's wedding. It'll have "Great Parents are promoted to Grandparents .. in 9 months" I'm hoping we can tape it but we'll have to wait and see.
July 13th : We told your Grandma and Grandpa B they were so so so excited. Lots of hugs were had and a little champagne drank in your honor. I only had a tiny sip but couldn't miss out on such an amazing toast. I've noticed you're making me have little cramps... cramp away my dear, anything for you. The days aren't going by fast enough so we can see how you're doing. For now these pregnancy tests will have to do.
July 14th: What a wedding, I was dizzy for some portion of it. But your father and I shared a few very magical dances together. He suck in a few belly rubs while he was at it. Today we told your Uncle Orrin and Aunt Erika. Your uncle picked me up (Mom's a little on the heavy side so I was shocked he was able to do that) and gave me and your dad lots of kisses. They are such amazing people, who you will be so blessed to call your family. I'm a titch worried because the tests today are a little lighter, your father assures me everything is fine. I will continue to believe that.
July 15th: The test line is barely there. I'm in silent tears right now as we ride back to Maryland with your Grandmother and Grandfather. I told your father we should start preparing ourselves. I'm just not ready to hear what will happen tomorrow. I just have this dreadful feeling. A pit in my stomach that wont go away. So for now I'll put on fake smiles, I won't jump to conclusions until we hear about the results tomorrow.
July 16: And like that... you were gone. I took half the day off work and went home to grieve your passing. Know that I loved you even though we never met. I wanted to keep you safe from harm. I just wish I could have done something. Your father and I held each other you gave us hope, and perhaps your passing will not be in vein.. perhaps it has shed light onto something that may be wrong with me. We will speak to the nurse in about 20 minutes. But for now.. for now we cry.
At work my glow was just hard to contain, your father had that side grin that I love so much when I told him the blood test came back positive. Only after I made it seem like gloomy news. I know it may not have been the best thing to do but to see him light up the way he did it made my heart flutter.
We've been closer since hearing the positive news. Your father kisses my belly already speaking to you and letting you know we're cheering you on. Your Uncle Mark gave us both big hugs and said your dad made a touch down.
Me? I'm a little tired, but I'll take anything that comes with being pregnant to ensure you're in my arms at the end of this journey. We're in a state of shock and euphoria.
The office we've already discussed will become your nursery and we have plans to ask the Landlord if we can paint it just for you, so it can be more homey for the next little bit.
As I sit on the couch writing this, I just want you to know you give us so much hope, bring us so much love already. I want to protect you from the world. But you have to do me one favor.. please keep safe, please keep growing.
July 11th: So we're in between blood tests and I'm still nervous. You're never truly out of the dark until the first trimester is over (which is about 3 months I believe). I'm a bit obsessive with taking pregnancy tests right now. But can you blame me for wanting to make sure you're ok? It's the only real way I know you're safe even though right now how this plays out is out of my control. I think so far I've taken 3 tests today alone all of which were darker then yesterdays. The hope is growing each day. Your Aunt Savannah and Abe came over today, she brought flowers, that's an understatement. She gave us the most beautiful flower arrangement I've ever seen. She's such an amazing person, so very maternal and I know when you meet her one day you'll love her and Uncle Mark as much as your mom and dad do. She gave you all sorts of kisses and rubs of reassurance. I hope you felt them :) She's so excited to meet you little bambino. As are we. Be safe my love.
July 12th: The news is hopeful but there's a hint of sadness in the air. We had our second blood test done and our numbers went up but they didn't double as we had hoped. Your mom is loosing a little bit of hope. I don't want to loose you if I can do anything right now to ensure those numbers double I will. For now we have to wait until the 16th to get another blood test to see what your future holds. Hopefully it'll be in our arms. Today I've been dizzy on and off and to say I've been mildly distracted from work would probably be an understatement right now. With the help of an on-line support group they've lifted my spirits and are helping me stay positive that you will be ok and we'll get to see you in March of 2013. Tomorrow we tell grandma and grandpa as a way to show how hopeful we are. We'll give them a picture of myself and your father taken at your Uncle Orrin's and Aunt Erika's wedding. It'll have "Great Parents are promoted to Grandparents .. in 9 months" I'm hoping we can tape it but we'll have to wait and see.
July 13th : We told your Grandma and Grandpa B they were so so so excited. Lots of hugs were had and a little champagne drank in your honor. I only had a tiny sip but couldn't miss out on such an amazing toast. I've noticed you're making me have little cramps... cramp away my dear, anything for you. The days aren't going by fast enough so we can see how you're doing. For now these pregnancy tests will have to do.
July 14th: What a wedding, I was dizzy for some portion of it. But your father and I shared a few very magical dances together. He suck in a few belly rubs while he was at it. Today we told your Uncle Orrin and Aunt Erika. Your uncle picked me up (Mom's a little on the heavy side so I was shocked he was able to do that) and gave me and your dad lots of kisses. They are such amazing people, who you will be so blessed to call your family. I'm a titch worried because the tests today are a little lighter, your father assures me everything is fine. I will continue to believe that.
July 15th: The test line is barely there. I'm in silent tears right now as we ride back to Maryland with your Grandmother and Grandfather. I told your father we should start preparing ourselves. I'm just not ready to hear what will happen tomorrow. I just have this dreadful feeling. A pit in my stomach that wont go away. So for now I'll put on fake smiles, I won't jump to conclusions until we hear about the results tomorrow.
July 16: And like that... you were gone. I took half the day off work and went home to grieve your passing. Know that I loved you even though we never met. I wanted to keep you safe from harm. I just wish I could have done something. Your father and I held each other you gave us hope, and perhaps your passing will not be in vein.. perhaps it has shed light onto something that may be wrong with me. We will speak to the nurse in about 20 minutes. But for now.. for now we cry.
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