Swing high, swing low

Many obstacles that we encounter in our life tend to have a lesson with them. It either helps build character, gives you insight or brings a sense of clarity and opens ones eyes. I'm not a fan of obstacles but always have a sense of accomplishment after the battle has been won. I don't think anyone enjoys overcoming those obstacles while in the moment, but I do feel we're grateful for them after the fact.

Right now I'm stuck in this obstacle of getting pregnant. This 2 year 8 month struggle for my husband and I has been a whirl wind of a journey. Some positives I've gained from the experience thus far has to be

1. Patience: While I'm not as patient as I'd love to be I still have to acknowledge I'm far better then I used to be. So kuddos self ;)

2. Getting to know my body: I've gotten to know my body in ways I was ignorant to before this process. javascript:void(0)I find it fascinating how a temperature can alert to different phases of our cycle.

3. Being grateful for the process (kind of the same as patience but a bit deeper): I have many friends who have had little to know difficulty getting pregnant. I would never put them down for that or feel resentment for the fact that it just wasn't as hard for them. With that being said this is not to sound above anyone but I feel that trying for a longer period of time really makes you appreciate the process that is getting pregnant. Now being pregnant may be an entirely different story. But I have a greater sense of sympathy, compassion and understanding towards someone who has been TTC for a while. I understand what it feels like to go a year without a BFP (Big fat positive), I understand the stress and strain it puts on your body and even mind. I know that sometimes it makes you feel like less of a women especially when many around you are getting pregnant without any problems. Again this is NOT their fault.

While TTC has been a royal pain in my arse I have to admit it's really help me and us grow. As each month that passes without the BFP that's another month we add to the Baby fund, it's another month we're able to prepare.

During this journey I have come across some comments/advice. While everyone means well I don't' think they truly understand the context of what they're saying to someone TTC. Sometimes some advice is translated into an insensitive remark to those TTC.

This isn't a what not to say. But it's more of a think before you say something to a person TTC.

1. It took my friend 9 years of TTC before she had her baby. I have gotten this a lot and mainly I think because of how long we've been trying. I find many have said this but feel it's an encouraging story to tell. Like a 'chin up it'll happen.' But when I hear it all I think of in my head is '9 years!'. For me that thought isn't comforting or encouraging and makes me pity the person who had to go that long. Again while I know the comment is well meant it's how it's translated.

2. "If you stop trying so hard it'll happen" or "Just relax" :
This to me doesn't entirely make sense. However, we did go 6 months without tracking or planning out sex. We just had fun (in the back of my mind I was always thinking about it though). When you're at 25 and most of your friends are having children or already have the it becomes increasingly hard to not be reminded of it almost daily. I'm here to say if you stop 'trying' it's not going to make a difference. At least in my experience.

3. You're still young, you'll be ok :
There's often this stipulation that because your young and TTC there's nothing to worry about. On the contrary if you're having problems at a young age there is more cause for concern. As we know, as you get older so does everything else. If there are significant problems at a young age that does not bode well for you chances as you get older. So while yes I'm young and have a while before I reach menopause, as each year passes my chances of getting pregnant don't go up rather down. I think some people just don't think of it that way.


Again while all these comments are well meant they are not so often well met. This post is just to highlight the mindset of someone who's been TTC for so long and how your words of advice/encouragement are received.

I know that being a person who's been ttc for so long it's hard for others to give me advice. Mainly because they can't sypathize with my situation or truly don't know what to say so try to think of encouraging words. Like "It'll happen soon." or "Don't worry."

So what should you try to say to someone who is unloading on you about their TTC problems? "What can I do to help you through this tough time?" Most of the time the answer will be from us "You already have by being there and listening/ being a shoulder to cry on." trying to

For my TTC ladies we also have to try our best to not always be about TTC around our friends. It's hard to really know how to take us, and often friends will walk on eggshells so not as to be insensitive. I recognized a long time ago that the best person to vent the struggles to was my husband. I realize that by going to a friend all the time I'm putting them in a position of them possibly saying those comments written above. Because truly what DO you say to a person who has been TTC for a long time? It's just one of those things that is really hard to offer support in. So we need to be conscious of what kind of positions we're putting our friends in by venting our problems. It's not easy for either party in one way or another.