Dear
women, and men facing infertility,
I
am sorry.
Not
that I am feeling sorry for you. But for not truly understanding your pain all
of this time.
I
am sorry for all those times when I may have made unintentional insensitive remarks
without realizing that those words I uttered cut through your heart. I was
ignorant about the pain of dealing with infertility.
I
am sorry for not approaching you to inform you that my husband and I were
trying for our son, and dropping the bombshell on you that we were pregnant out
the blue. AT that time, I thought I was protecting you from the pain of trying
to conceive, and did what I thought was right for you. What I did not realize
is that I have put you on a spot, and forced you to relieve the pain of being
childless.
I
am sorry for all those times that I have come across as ‘in your face’ with
pregnancy ailments, and complaints. I now understand you would give anything to
experience, even the downside part, of a pregnancy.
I
am sorry for all the baby milestone announcements. I did not realize that for
those women and men who have lost their babies that hurt to be constantly
reminded of not having a baby in their arms in the end.
It
is not until the second time around of trying to conceive that I finally
understood.
Swells of hope only to be
dashed within the seconds when you learn that this is not your month.
Constantly temping to pinpoint
whether you are ovulating or not.
Peeing on OPKs (ovulation
prediction kit), and anxiously waiting for the green light to go ahead to do
the deed.
Doctor visits.
Blood tests to be sent off,
and analyzed while you are in the limbo, wondering if there is something wrong
with you, and whether it is a quick fix or not.
Not getting a conclusive
answer from the tests and going back to square one of wondering what is going
on.
A frozen smile on your face
when your friend announces to you that she is expecting; you feel as if you are
a contradiction yourself, because you want so badly to be happy for your
friend, yet your heart is breaking, because you desperately want that baby for
yourself.
Suddenly, sex life becomes
scheduled.
Facebook becomes your enemy,
because you see nothing, but pregnancy announcements, and baby arrival
announcements.
Dealing with all the
unsolicited advice, well intentioned remarks that only makes you feel worse,
and having to fend for yourself against unspoken questions why you are yet
pregnant.
Getting a big fat positive on
a pregnancy test, and only to lose that within a few days.
Feeling as if you are sitting
on the sideline bleachers, and wondering when will it ever be my turn?
Yes,
I am sincerely sorry for not truly understanding.
It
is difficult to be dealing with infertility,
miscarriages, and infant loss in seemingly apathetic world. It is why it
is critical for the awareness surrounding the topics with infertility
to be
brought up, discussed, and shared.
Instead
of throwing unsolicited advice at someone dealing with infertility, please do
open your arms, and say, I am here for you.
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